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Memoir

Yes, the link says autobiography, but I've recently learned the subtle differences between that and memoir, thanks to the University of Winchester, which has also rekindled my interest in writing this sort of thing.

 

Before The Dead Shall Feed, my biggest project had been my memoir entitled Social Retard, which I worked on from the late 90's to the early noughties. It started out, I'm sad to say, as a very long-winded suicide note. But then I got to really enjoy writing it, so instead of killing myself I just carried on chronicling my various misadventures. The resulting manuscript remains unfinished because:

a) I'm not yet a professional writer so still have to do "proper jobs", and there are revelations in there that would make me virtually unemployable; and

b) Why would anyone want to read about someone they've never heard of?

 

But then again, Kerouac's finest work is about his own life. Holden Caulfield was really J.D. Salinger and Nick Hornby's breakthrough was as at least as much about him as it was about Arsenal. And who says being a celebrity makes you a good writer? So maybe one day I will pit my wits against such towering literary luminaries as Chantelle Houghton, Ashley Cole and Chris Moyles after all. Until then, here are some sample chapters for you to enjoy.

 

Holiday At Home

 

Twissy and Me

 

Basket Case

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